�Number Off now!� Mrs. Thunder flits about in front of the chorus classroom. �Sopranos say �One�, Altos say �Two�, Tenors say �three�, and Bass will say �four�. Okay?�
�Okay! Sopranos!�
�One.� They say, bored.
�Altos!�
�Two.� We reply dryly.
�Tennoraes!�
�Three.�
�Bass!�
�Four!� they squeak, led by the guitar plucker himself� all in high �George Bradley� voices.
�Why are the basses the highest? This is troubling.� Josh, our newest tenor (and also my cousin), asks jokingly, his forehead scrunching up.
�Again!� Mrs. Thunder says. This time she points to us.
�One.�
�Two.�
�Three.�
�Four!!� Again, voices high. Then: �My name is George Bradley, and I like to SING!� Cody chimes.
�Analogy! Analogy to �Good Morning Miss Dove!� � Lucas, his folder partner shouts.
The drama students are cracking up. �Good Morning Miss Dove� is the school play this year. I was Jincy, the fab super model. Cody was George Bradley: and backstage, it was uproarious. He would put on this high voice and say stuff like �My name is George Bradley, and I like to JUMP!� or �My name is George Bradley, and I like to skip!� or �My name is George Bradley, and I want a pony.� Or similar things. One time I came out of the dressing rooms after a rehearsal, and Josh, who played Mr. Bradley, was standing at the top of a ramp off to the side of the dressing rooms, yelling about something, and pointing at the bottom of the ramp, which was hidden by a wall. I walked over to the edge of the wall, and Cody was at the bottom of the ramp, still in his George Bradley get-up, kneeling, and saying (still in his George Bradley voice) �No, dad, It�s not my fault!�
�I am disowning you from my family!� Josh said.
�But Dad, My name is George Bradley, and I like men!�
�You are no son of mine!�
�But Dad, you forget! My name is George Bradley, and I like to Jump!� And at this he leapt up and clicked his heels together.
The other, non-drama students were mainly just sitting there with their mouths hanging open. Ha ha ha, see what they miss?
Anyway�
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Today: I was walking out of Spanish, and Cody was walking into English classroom, which, do to some building irony is right next to the Spanish classroom. He saw me and smiled. I just raised an eyebrow and shook my head a little. Like �You think I�m going to forgive you?� Ugh.
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On the bus, I was sitting behind The Wall�s sister, my cousin and also another cousin of mine, who due to deep irony, happens to be the best friend of Cody�s little sister. Brandon, (cousin, again) sat down next to me and said �Hi couz, how goes life?�
�Well, fine, thank you. Except Zack has a crush on me, which is weird.�
�You only just realized?� Brandon laughed. �Oh! Hey sit here, Soph!� he says to my sister. So we squeeze all three of us in the seat, and Lindsey leans over and says:
�Ooh, looks like you guys are having fun.�
I give her a look. �First of all, we�re all cousins, so you can stop thinking that RIGHT now. Also,� And here I snorted. �Jealous much?�
She frowned, and leaned back in her seat. Then Zack got on, and he kind of looked at me like he was sad or something, and then he was like �You managed to get three of you in a seat?�
�Yeah!� said Brandon, flicking his wrists out with his thumbs, pointer fingers, and pinkies extended. (He thinks he�s gangster.) �Were saving space, Jeeze.�
Then Zack sat right behind us and it was like, umm, there�s like, and empty seat in the way back, and the guys are ALWAYS fighting over those. Then he started flicking my hair and stuff, and so I was like �Stop!� because it was annoying.
�Why do you hate me?� He asked.
�I never said I hated you.� I replied.
�I hate you, though.� The Wall�s sister said.
Ugh, god, I wish he didn�t like me, because I don�t like him that way: at all. I don�t think he�s hot or anything. And I don�t even know if I want to do a relationship again until I can feel like the Cody thing is all tied up inside this neat little band-aide, instead of open and bleeding, like it still is.
Oh God, I lost one of the notes he wrote me. I can�t find it anywhere. I want to keep them, I don�t know why. To show to my daughter one day, maybe. To prove to myself that it really happened, maybe, to make me think that there are some good things about me instead off all the things I hate about me. It picks me up when I�m down. And the truth is? I just can�t let go of him that completely.
But I can�t find it, and every time I think about how it�s missing, I feel like I�m loosing him all over again. And I hate it. It hurts all over again, fresh and hard and hurting and hurting and hurting.
I hate that I messed it all up somewhere, and I don�t know if I�ll ever know how. But all I ever think about is the good things about being with him. How I was so happy. How he looked at me. How it felt when he touched my cheeks, held me in his arms, kissed my hair. And the things he said are the worst. I�m flashing back almost continuously now, especially when I�m not talking to anyone. I hate myself for loosing him.
I�m better when I�m around people. I love that Rachel and Leah are so nice to me about the whole thing. And how supportive they are. And I really love you guys, you know that, right? (Non-romantically) I just� I don�t know. It�s really hard, and some days I�m okay, I�m perfectly fine about everything, but like, right now� some days it�s just impossible to get up. I just can�t do anything, and I find myself blinking back tears in the most random of places and situations. And I feel like I should be getting better: It�s been over a month, but everyday it�s just worse.
And when I play Piano, I can deal when my fingers are touching the keys, so I play and play and play� but when I start to run out of songs, I start playing �Stairway to Heaven� and I can play it, and then my fingers lock up and I�m broken all over again.
I�m sorry. This entry started out all semi-upbeat, and then I turned into a bumbling mess. I lie up all night making apologies and making deals with God: �If you make him talk to me, I will never, ever, ever complain about lector service in church.� Or �If you make him find out that he really does like me still, I will never do blah blah blah again�� and so on and so forth. I�m getting worse. I should probably be worried.
Quote of the Day: Remember when?
Song I�m listening to: Don�t Forget ~By Demi Lovato
Mood I�m In: I�m crying right now. What mood do you think I�m in?