because i slandered my friend. accidently. because i was terrified. i thought she had given herself away. and she's supposed to be the strong one. the one i can look at and think "There are still people out there who DON'T have sex every ten minuets." and so i talked to Leah about it. because i was terrified. and also Shellbell. but then C told C and now i feel like i'm ruining her reputation, and it's all because i was to scared to ask her if it was true in the first place.
i knew, after our date, that it wasn't. and i then ment to call Leah and tell her so. but she wan't home, and then i forgot all about it. until i remembered. and felt like a bitch and maybe my friend shouldn't forgive me, even though i am really really sorry.
I miss her, too.
i haven't been keeping up with ANYONE all month. this is also some of my bitchyness shinning through. but also some just plain old i don't have time.
The only person I�ve kept up with and made a point to see is Lucas.
Whom, speaking of, I might end up being a bitch too as well.
Because he is in love with me. And he is amazing. Perfection. Anything. Everything.
He says �anna, I�m in love with you�
And I say �I love you too.�
But deep down, I don�t know if I do or not. I know that I�m falling for him. I know that I will love him. I just don�t know if I am in love with him yet. Which means I�m lying to him. So I�m a bitch. Because it�s bitchy to lie. Right?
Or am I okay, because I know that I�m standing on the edge of the roof, about to jump right into the whirlpool of love. so I�m just telling him I�m in love because I�m eighter in love with him or almost in love with him. And if I tell him I�m in love with him� which I think I am, then we�re both happy. And I don�t break him.
I�m happy, he�s happy, at least one of us is truthful, and if it is only one of us, the other will be truthful in a few days.
I hope.
Also� hmm� let�s see. I told Kay I would call her tonight. Instead I wrote in here. Bitch move, right?
And I didn�t call Lucas. And I should call Rachel, and Autumn, and maybe even Shelby.
Mostly Rachel. Rach? If you�re reading this? What�s going on? I guess I�ll just call you. If you�ll answer the phone? If you�ll forgive me? Like� I repeat. Maybe you shouldn�t.
but i'm sorry.
To whom it my concern: I love you.