I step onto the stage and I can feel my heart� pounding? Racing? Too weak of words. Exploding. It was beating faster than I could imagine. Throbbing. Agonizingly fast. Faster than I could think.

�Calm down� I thought, then almost said it aloud.

I touched my dress, felt the silk run across my fingers.

�Calm down� I commanded myself.

Then the lights came up and the audience could see me. �No backing out now� I thought.

I nodded to Mrs. Thunder, then stuck my head back down. The piano line filled the auditorium. And I looked up and started singing. And the music built and I stood up and kept singing.

And I did a really decent job. When I steeped back behind the curtains, Pat was there waiting for his chance at the stage. �You were brilliant.� He tells me, then hugs me.

�Thank you,� I whisper back. �Good luck; you�ll be amazing.�

He nods, smiling, then parts the curtains and slips through.

I sneak out off the stage entirely and walk backstage. Jam and Tyler wait for me in the hallway. Jam gets to me first, and I hug her, then slip to Tyler, who hugs me, then turns slightly, and pulls a bouquet of roses from behind his back. I gasp. Then hug him harder. �Thank you!� I murmur. �They�re amazing!�

He smiles says something amazing, then leads Jam and me back to the music room, where I stow away the roses and sneak into the back of the auditorium, where we watch pat.

Tyler wants to hold my hand, but I�m shaking and my bubble is too big today, so I tell him the first reason.

The wall says I was amazing. Tyler and jam and pat and a hundred others say the same thing. I want them to be right. I want to see the tapes, but they probably wont be around till S&E time, like last year.

My room smells like roses and a new pine door.

I saw Circe De Freak Vampire�s assistant the other day with mom and sophie and Martin. It was freeking amazing. And wow� that kid known as Darren he�s gorgeous, ngl.

Bruce is in my head �Show a little faith there�s magic in the night/ you ain�t a beauty, but hye, you�re allright/ and that�s allright by me�

Also Counting Crows ��Well we all want something beautiful/ (Man I wish I was beautiful)/ �Believe in me/ help me believe in anything/ cause I want be someone who believes/�

Rachel, this quote reminded me of you (And him). Which made me sad�.

we are
wednesday, nov. 04, 2009, 5:37 pm
and we're a little bit of magic, a little bit of love, but mostly we're a little bit of nothing.