And who wants to ask one boy to a party when the one who says he loves you is standing only feet away?
Not me, that�s for sure.
Then I was going to have Oscar do it for me, talk to him about it at chorus. Well guess what? It was swing day, so Oscar had study hall and I had swing.
Meh.
After that, I went to swing choir and didn�t have a chance to talk to him since then.
I stayed after school to take pics for cheerleading. Then I meandered around. Mom came into town and we met up with Sophie and my little brother.
Then we went to the nearest shop in town� it�s a grocery-deli cross. As I got out of the car across the street from the shop, I saw Tyler walking into the store. NLG, I was excited.
He was ordering a pizza as me and Sophie came over to order our subs. (Martin went to the library.)
�Hey, Anna!� he says. �What was it you were talking about earlier?�
(now, Sophie had already told me that he wouldn�t be able to come because he�s got CC on Saturday, so I knew that was out of the question.) (But I told him about it anyway.)
He looks seriously disappointed. �I can�t come, I�ve got CC.�
�I know,� I said. �Soph�s friend Alex can�t come for the same reason.�
�When is this Haunted house thing?� he asks. (Because the party was going to go to a haunted house after we all convened.)
�Um�� I said. �Last week Friday and Saturday, and this week Friday and Saturday.�
�Ohh� tomorrow?� he asks, his eyes sparkling.
�Yeah.� I say
�Hey, Anna,� he says. �I�m free Friday.�
�Hey Tyler,� I say. �Wanna go to the Haunted House with me? We could bring along Oscar and Shelbs and hang out together.�
�Hmm�� he says. �Sounds good to me.�
I look at Mom. �Is that okay?� I ask her.
�Sounds great to me.� She says, and then her and Sophie head over to the soda counter. Tyler and I get into a conversation about wrestling. (he wrestles� did I add that?) I told him that I might try out this year if our team needed more people to fill the roster. He got pumped.
�Really? How much do you weigh?� I told him and he smiled happily. �That�s only a few pounds from me! We would wrestle in the same weight class! You could take the higher one and I would take the next one down.�
�Excuse me?� I said. �I would prefer the lower of the two� because then I may actually be able to win. If I�m going up against guys that weigh more than me, there�s no way I�m going to be able to win.�
�Oh, yeah.� he said. �Okay. Well, you could check out the meeting.� I laughed and said I�d give it a try.*
Then he got his pizza, and we wrapped up the conversation, made plans for Friday, and parted.
----------------------------------------------------
On Friday, then, it�s pouring rain. I�m sitting at home waiting for him to pick me up, Phone-tagging with Shelby. Only we both continue to answer the phone, it�s just that we keep thinking of more stuff to say.
Then she calls me and tells me that the haunted House is canceled because of the rain. Then she says that Oscar is calling Tyler as we speak to invite us over to her house to play Wi with her and Oscar.
So Tyler calls me and also informs me that the House is canceled. I tell him that we�ve been invited over to Shelby�s, and so he decides to come. Then I gave him the wrong directions, and I led him the wrong way, so he had to call back so I could tell him how to get to my house.
I changed my outfit from casual-warm (as in, three pairs of sweatpants, tank top, tee-shirt, two long sleeve shirts, sweatshirt, and jacket) to Casual-cool (AKA: long-sleeved school spirit tee and jeans.)
He comes in after I organize all the DVDs and video games by alphabetical order.
Then we go to Shelb�s house and hang out with her and Oscar. Her mom made spaghetti, but we had both eaten already.
Her mom also spoke openly about Oscar marrying Shelb, which was so crazy. I asked if she�s trying to marry Shelby already, or get rid of her so fast�. But we were all joking around.
Shelby�s mom asked Tyler why he�s abandoning the priest hood. He says it�s because he wants to be �A real boy� (His exact words were �Normal person� but Pinocchio said it better.) �And it�s the girls. I realized that if you�re a priest, that means no women. I�m so not ready for that.�
We all ended up standing in the middle of the kitchen, hitting each other with dish towels (Oscar started it).
Then we were going to watch �Christmas Vacation� (Which is a DUMB movie, trust me.) I sat down on the couch and Tyler sat right next to me, our shoulders overlapping. The movie started, but it had a scratch. Shelby and I didn�t want to watch the movie, anyway, so we jumped up saying� �Oh, well� looks like we�ll have to play Wii�
So then we designed a Mii for Tyler, and we played Wii Tennis, which was so fun. I rock at that game. Shelby won grand champ, which is fine, cause all she had to do was beat Oscar, who had beat both Tyler and I. (Oscar was a tennis genius� that doesn�t change the fact that I rock that game.) I beat Tyler� but it think that was the first time he had ever played� sooo�.
We bowled, then, and Mom called, telling me I had to go home when we finished bowling.
As soon as we were done, Shelby and Oscar were ready to start up baseball, so they played as Tyler and I.
�Shelby� why are you being me?� I asked.
�Oh� cause yours was the first one on the board.� She said, as if it was perfectly obvious. �You can go first if you want.�
�No�� I said. �I have to go home.�
�Why?� Shelby pouted.
�Cause that�s what Mom said.� I replied.
�Oh yeah�� Oscar said. �Well, Tyler, do you want to play?�
�I�m driving Anna home�� he says, as if Oscar is missing something important in this conversation. �She doesn�t have a license, you know��
�Oh, Yeah.� Oscar says. Then Shelby and I hug good bye, and Tyler comes up behind me and picks me up in a cradle and carries me out of the living room and into the kitchen. He�s about to carry me out the door, when I remember the remainder of my brownie sitting on the table. He carries me over too it, so I finish and finish my lemonade as well.
Then he�s lost his coat, so I find it for him. (It was right there on the chair�)
We head out and Oscar waits for the Automatic light to turn on and freak us out� only I�ve been to Shelby�s hose a million times so� trust me� it�s not gonna scare me.
On the drive home, Tyler and I discuss the question of �Are Oscar and Shelby Dating?�
I say no, because they aren�t. Not really.
He says yes, because, and I quote, �I don�t care what they say� if a guy can talk seriously with a girl�s parents about marring said girl, they�re dating. Also, if they go out to dinner, movies, etc. together, they�re dating.�
�Yeah,� I argued� �But those were purely platonic! It�s a �G� rated movie, and it was free. If that doesn�t have �Platonic� Written all over it, I don�t know what does.�
�But that sneaky little kiss evens that out too a real date.� He points out, referencing the time O and S went to Madagascar and he kissed her cheek.
�She didn�t want him to kiss her!� I parried. �And besides� she�s told him time and time again that she doesn�t like him that way, and that they are friends, and that�s it.�
�She�s told me that �he grows on you�.� He says, confused.
�That�s cause he got better over the summer. We all noticed. She�s seeing Oscar differently now, and her friends also noticed that he�s better. So suddenly things have changed and there�s that habit that still hasn�t been broken.�
�Being Oscar�s friend means that I�ve seen him in a different light all along.� He says.
�But Shelby hasn�t.� I say. �Because she�s not a guy. She�s just a girl. How�s she supposed to deal?�
�What took her so long?� Tyler asks.
�Us.� I say. �Her girls. Me and Leah and Rachel and Shelbell and whoever else. Him popping out the L-word whenever she turned around, everything. Did you know one time, he gave her this note that said �Te Amo� on it, and Savannah free-translationed it, and it came up as �Your master�?�
�No way! That�s awful!�
Our conversation continued on this note until we got to my hose. He walked me to the porch, and then Dad was up, so I introduced the two of them. He hugged me good bye, and then left.
I had so much fun that day.
----------------------------------------------------
The Zzach drama is escalating. As is my guilt. I hate that Tyler and him are friends because it makes me feel so much worse, like I could mess up their friendship.
And I hate that I hate that. Like why should I be so selfish?
And I hate that I don�t like Zzach that way. But I don�t and really, there�s no way around that.
He wrote me this really mush letter the other day. And I hate how guilty I feel about that.
And I hate seeing him in class and the halls. Like I should figure out what hallways he uses, like I did for the Angry Mexican last year and learn how to avoid them. (Plan my days with maps in my head� a stage I had hoped I was past.)
Damn. You know what I keep thinking of? Associating this with? That letter I gave to the AM last year. I hate that. I think that if I had only said �Ja�tal dit que je te�amis� or whatever it was and nothing else, like the original plan, everything would have turned out different. It was that I didn�t understand the dynamics of TB. because I wasn�t ready to understand the dynamics of my mother. And that�s what it was. I swear to you, that�s what it was.
And looking back, comparing what he had with other girls, it feels like everything was fake and we were just friends and nothing more. I hate that feeling. More than any other feeling in the world. I hate that I doubt whether or not he could have loved me.
I was getting all philosophical about it today during study hall, in the library next to those huge, thought-provoking windows, and I realized something� even if it was wrong, it comforted me. I realized that while I began avoiding Zzach, The AM sought me out. While I had stopped talking to Zzach, it took a while before the TB stuff really got to the AM and that�s what it was. It wasn�t the fucking l-word.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Quote of the day: �You know� if our differences don�t rip us apart� they�ll bring us together, make us smarter� and lead to great debates.�
Song I�m Listening To: Love actually soundtrack. As of this moment, �Christmas is All Around� by Billy Mack
*(Shit� just remembered I missed the meeting today� so that�s where everyone was�duh.)
** Another really important thing is that Tyler heard that the Angry Mexican and I dated (?) (For lack of a better word.) we were talking about him for some reason on the way to Shelby�s, (He brought him up, not me.) I looked over at him, said �he and I used to date.�
�Really?� he asks. �Damn. That�s a tough act to follow.�
�What do you mean?� I wondered, confused as to whether he means it�s hard to hold onto AM, or me?
�I mean� that�s seriously going to blow your expectations out of the water. I understand that. He�s going to be hard to live up to.� Then he looked at me. �But I�d be honored to try.�