Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Lalalallala!
I am SOOO pumped!
Wait no, right now I asked my own mother for juice and she gave me nasty tap water. Now I�m mad. Look at that. One thing that someone gets pissy about and refuses to give you juice even after you tell them that this is water and you asked for juice because the tap water here tastes like mud and she won�t even buy a filter, but NO, so that can ruin your whole outlook on your day, and I know I�m being over-dramatic, but still, why burst my bubble?
Okay, happy thoughts!
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This is my gym thoughts right now, they are actually positive! (I totally never saw that coming.):
Elbow swells,
Lungs burn
Each breath stings
Legs give out,
But you stand back up
Smile on your face
Because your team needs you
Because you�re the best on your team
And people are finally saying
�Wow, I never knew you were so good at hockey�
And they actually want to pick you to be on their team,
Even though You�ve always been picked last for teams,
Sometimes even behind the obese girl
But now They are begging you to switch sides,
Because they need you on their team
And You say �hahahaha NO hahahahah!�
And so I play and it hurts and I am so happy.
We win, duh.
(And even though I hate team sports
And last time I ever said anything
About maybe wanting to play field hockey
In collage, and then SHE said
�Oh, great, then you can be a lesbian who never shaves her legs. I can�t wait. I always wanted my daughter to be a lesbian.�
And I hate her, I hate her.
She wont even give me juice. )
But when I�m playing,
I don�t care
Because this is MY sport.
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Hmm, I seem to be an insufferable jock right now: I am not, do not worry. I just kick some serious @$$ during field hockey.
Carrisa and Jacob and Marcus: without them, our team would be crushed.
Haha, I love them all! Except, non-romantically, because Carrisa is a girl and Jacob is my
cousin and Marcus, well, I don�t actually like him much, he is just �there� and annoying.
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Speaking of Jacob, I am going to have a supportive cousin rant right now.
I love Jacob. He is one of my favorite cousins, he is smart and funny and nice. And it pisses me off when people make fun of him and when people call him �stupid� and �Fat� and I hate when people say �You�re related to him? EWW! How can you stand being related to HIM?�
Actually, creepy Dylan asked me that the other day. I wasn�t even talking to him, I was telling Shelby how I get ticked off when people make fun of Jacob, and then when I went back to my seat, Dylan leaned over to me (Eww! I could smell his stale cigarettes and unclean hair!) and he said (in that frightening-ly over-low rumble that I always feared in fourth grade when none of the other guys had �changed� yet. It sounds like a rock slide. The rocks that you�re standing on. On the top of Mt. Everest.) he said �Anna. Anna.� Fearing that if I didn�t look over he would kill me, since he had been threatening bringing a gun to school way back in seventh grade, so again he spoke (shudder) �So you�re related to THAT?� In this superior tone that�s all �I�m So much better than THAT filth.�
And he was looking right at Jacob, who, at the moment, was standing up and stretching, and he could have made himself look a little more presentable, for my honor�s sake, but I don�t care, so I yelled out, �Jacob, I�m proud to be your cousin.� Jacob sat down really fast, and looked at me kind of funny, but so what? At least Dylan would leave him alone for while.
Then Stupid Lauren started up and she was all �Eww! Why would you be GLAD to be related to HIM?�
And I said, �Why wouldn�t you be? Do you even know anything about him?�
And She said �Because he�s fat, ugly, and stupid!�*
She is so evil. I hate her.
The thing is, he�s not stupid. He doesn�t get good grades, no, but that�s because he wants to be a mechanic when he�s old enough. And he thinks that school isn�t going to get him there. Two years ago, the math teacher showed us this video about how people use math in their jobs, and one of the people there was a mechanic: Jacob got A�s and B�s in math from then on. Last year, he got like tenth or fifteenth ranked in the grade on the standardized tests. So when most kids call him �Stupid� and �retarded� what, may I ask, does that make them?
Yes, I know that school is really important, But he doesn�t get that. (Ps, if you say Jacob is stupid because he gets bad grades, that also implies that Cody is stupid too, right? How am I SUPPOSED to answer that?)
And so what if he�s overweight? In the end, who really gives a shit how much you weigh? I know there�s lots of pressure to be thin in this society, but so what? Does it make you less of a person if you aren�t a size-zero skinny-jean?
He�s not ugly. He�s overweight. There�s a difference, people!
I want him to have a girlfriend. For many reasons, two being:
1) I want him to be happy. I hate how whenever he asks a girl out (his type: heavy blonde girls. But he also grades on character.) she�ll turn him down. And then they brag about it to me! Like Abi did, and so did Lindsey, and they were all �Eww, Jacob asked me out!� and then they won�t even tell him �no�. they are bitches. They go on and on about how they said �I�ll think about it.� and then ignored him for weeks before he gave up. (Heart-broken, obliviously) The thing is, they call him fat, and they are no better!
2) So he can laugh in people like Lauren and Dylan �s faces, and say, �Why do you judge me by how I look on the outside? **SHE** knows I am a person on the inside!�
So anyway, the other day, Mr. Political Wack-job, my History teacher, (who worships me because I get the highest scores on his tests in my class (Last semester)) He was talking sexist and jerky and he was saying:
�I only married my wife because I thought she could support me so I could sit on the couch and do nothing and fail my classes like, oh, Jacob here!�***
I gasped, and pulled out my notebook, where I keep all his politically-incorrect sayings (that I will one day use in court against him and make tougher legislation on teachers who say these things during class. They would be allowed to in learning instances, naturally, But they would have to open a debate, or say nothing at all, because it is unfair to students.)
Jacob Spluttered. �I work! This summer, I didn�t spend even one day lazing around in the house! Or outside!� then he grumbles. �Just because I work with lawn-mowers doesn�t mean you can say that stuff.�
And Mr. Political Wack-job Laughed at him. Ugh, I was So pissed off!
Nobody gets why I stand up for Jacob. Um, hello? If I started making fun of your cousins, what would YOUR reaction be?
So. Different topic.
Umm�.
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Walked back from my extra study hall today (No chorus) behind Jen and John. It actually surprises me that they are still dating. Huh.
Well,, they were talking and holding hands, and laughing and stuff, and I felt really sad all of a sudden. Why doesn�t Cody EVER hold my hand? He never hugs me anymore. I am sick of being �stuck�. I want him to be more a part of my life, but he won�t be. He won�t even be my boyfriend. It feels like he doesn�t like me anymore. He doesn�t talk to me in the hallways or anything. And if he won�t, why does he have to keep me?
If he�s not going to be affectionate, then why won�t he call it quits? It will hurt less. I could move on.
I like him, so much, but if he�s afraid of me, is this really a good relationship? It hurts me, everyday!
I push past Jen&John. I am so insanely sick of them already.
----------------------------------------------------
Ummm�..
Justin And Leah.
Leah and Shelby and I were walking through the hallways after lunch, during break, when Justin rounds the corner and almost crashes into us. He smiles, and blocks Leah�s path. Leah looks up at him: He�s very tall.
�What?� she asks.
He smiles, grabs her hand. �Help me find Ryan.� He says, but his tone of voice says that he wants her alone, that he wants to talk to her. She shrugs at us, and lets him pull her away. Ugh, more hand-holding.
Leah and I have decided that we refuse to get mad at each other at the dance on Friday. Hopefully, we can stick to our resolutions, even though there has never been a school dance, save on in sixth grade, that we did not get pissed at each other. This one is 5+ hours long. How we will survive is a mystery. At least that gives us plenty of time to be friends again if we do get in a fight.
So anyway, I got really excited, because it was looking like Justin was going to ask her to the dance! I mean, that was the way he was looking at her and the tone of his voice and everything: I�m pretty good at noticing stuff like that (except for when I like a guy, then my brain makes stuff up). Plus, Ryan, whom they were �looking for� was sitting at a lunch table thirty feet away.
And I said to Shelby: �OMG! I think he�s going to ask her to the dance! That means she won�t get jealous of anyone!�
And we both got excited, and then when we saw them coming back, Leah had this big smile on her face, and Justin was running around like a crazy person, jumping in the air and celebrating and stuff.
Leah came over to us and I said: �What was that all about.�
�Oh, well, nothing.� She says, dreamily.
�Did he ask you to the dance?� I say, teasing.
�What?!� she asks, and her face is hiding something. �Of course not!�
�Are you sure?�
�Yes!�
So I guess either he did ask her and she�s going to surprise us, or he didn�t ask her and I got my hopes up for nothing.
Let�s hope it�s the first one, shall we?
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Also, just in time for Valentines Day, My LITTLE BROTHER got a LOVE NOTE form this girl he really doesn�t like! Poor girl. I should be her mentor. She reminds me of me when I was that age, except I was not a gutsy as she is. I can teach her great lessons, so she does not make the same mistakes that I have made. Little Melina� as annoying and insane as you are, I will take you under my wing and teach you everything I know. Then you will be less annoying, but perhaps more insane.
Also in time for Valentines Day, this girl on my bus, Lindsey #2 was saying today that this guy that my little sister has a giant crush on asked her to the dance. (and she said yes. I must break the possibly fake news to my sister, in case it is not fake.)
I am so, so pethetico. Even the little children have dates for the dance, from long-distance crushes, and I, a girl that actually has a man in her life, who IS going to the dance, I do not have a date.
This suddenly seems very important to me, like some sort of test:
Does he like me enough?
Is this ever going anywhere?
Or are we just going to stay the way we are now?
If so, is it time to cut and run?
Oh, God, I hope not.
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Quote of the day: this is one, sort of.
Love is a smoke raised with the fume of sighs;
Being purged, a fire sparkling in lovers' eyes;
Being vex'd, a sea nourish'd with lovers' tears:
What is it else? a madness most discreet,
A choking gall and a preserving sweet.
~Romeo
(Modern)
Here's what love is: a smoke made out of sighs.
When the smoke clears, love is a fire burning in their eyes.
If you frustrate love, you get an ocean made out of lovers' tears.
What else is love?
It's a wise form of madness. It's a sweet lozenge that you choke on.
~Romeo
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I dislike this translation. I liked the one in class better.
But, such is life.
*Fat ugly and stupid: she totaly quoted Kimya Dawson there. from the song "the competition"
**She: to be replaced with the name of Jacob�s special person.
***�Like, oh, Jacob here�: I checked where I had written them down, (seconds after he said this.) and these are the exact words. It�s true.