Handsome. A decent dancer. Funny, quiet, smart, talented as anything. A singer- and by singer, I mean (as blasphemous as it is to say) an �as-good-if-not-better-than-AM� singer.
I�m rather interested in him. Let�s see what we have here�
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Which brings me to the main topic of this piece.
Lucas was in David�s musical. It was peculiar.
But not until after the performance, when it was time for the cast meet-and-greet, and then a little afterwards, when there was still a small crowd milling around, and Leah and I were dancing.
We stopped for a moment, breathless and giddy, and a crowd cleared. There was Lucas, in a red school jacket and grey sweats. And we caught each other�s eyes and gave this little wave� little sad smiles.
And it makes me feel so sad, sad that we know each other, and now here we are, acting like two total strangers. And not even friendly strangers. Just sad, lonely strangers, like the ending of the movie �Prime�, the end that I hated, so much. That�s what we were like.
And oh, but I feel guilty. He loved me. Immensely. I was his first love, and, as self-centered as it sounds? I would place a bet that he loves me still. And I feel like such an asshole. Because I remind me of AM. And how much he killed me, because here I was, mad about him, foolishly, completely in love with him� and he acted like nothing had ever happened between us. He even had me fooled. He just acted like nothing had ever happened, nothing had ever been real, we had never even been friends.
Not only that, but he stopped talking to me entirely. Okay, not entirely� but so much that I can remember the days he did talk to me, the days that shone like beacons to me.
And that tore me up so much�.
That I can�t bear the idea of being the type of person to do that to anyone else. Not someone that I cared about once upon a time. Not a real person with real feelings and a sad little smile, accompanied by those big sad eyes�
I don�t like seeing myself reflected back to me like that.
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Quote of the day: �Well, you do live in a hick town.�
�Does that excuse their dancing?�
�Um� yes. :p�