but where you can become immune to a deisease, you don't become immune to love.
Which, when i realized this, blew my mind. because i thought, untill yesterday, that maybe you could, on occasion, shut down your heart.
but you can't. and that's why love is the world's greatest motivator.
(Machavilli argued that fear is the greatest motivator. And although it is true, that when you make men fear you, they will obey you, it is truer that there are a million brave men out there. a million men and women who will, eventually, defy you. He also suggested that man and love is fickle. And it's true, that man and woman and brotherly love is perhaps hugly changeable. but Love love, the kind between a man and his mate, a woman and her love... that's so much more complicated. and strong. and complex.)
but love is like a sickness. there's no cure for it, "So let this fever rage".
Once you've caught the sickness, you're suddenly dependent on it. it's not a deisase; it's an addiction. and when it's gone, you can eighter fight, or waste away.
Fight to survie.
Cause one day, i promise. The Sickness will come again. And this time, it will be a million times better.
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A poem to AM:
Every Night, boy, i would close my eyes.
And time after time after time
I would think of you.
I would see you.
I would dream of you.
It seemed like there was no one
who could fill up that space you left.
i would imagine you.
i would speak to you.
i would scream to you.
If you loved me (And some days, i could swear you did)
You would remember. Or ignore. or Succumb.
Or i had been wrong about you
I was wrong about your life
I had offended you.
If you hadn't loved me (And some days, i knew this was true)
You would ignore me. or hurt me. or feel embarrassed.
You felt guilty.
You felt powerful.
you felt nothing.
But still. I would close my eyes and remember you.
It wasn't the same, of course. not like
I was actually touching you.
Or I was Seeing you.
Or Hearing you.
Then though, suddenly, everything changed.
and suddnely, miracalously, one day, when i closed my eyes again
You were still there. (You always will be.)
But that day, there was another man with you.
He, too, sang to me. and wrote to me.
and talked to me.
And Dreamed of me.
and dreamed with me.
Suddenly... when i closed my eyes...
I didn't feel what i felt when i closed my eyes and saw you.
I didn't feel alone.
Instead, i felt hope.