Nothing to do
Nothing to want
Nothing to hope about
I was overly pissed
At EF, at Justin,
(I�m ashamed to admit)
At Rachel.
Justin and Rachel
E
X
P
L
O
D
E
Onto the scene as I reach
Into Jessie�s locker
For some gummy worms.
I grab 3
I bite the head off of one,
Then Justin starts bitching
Suddenly, Leo is there.
�Justin, jesse. Leave Anna alone, already.
You don�t always have to be such a jerk.�
I grin at him as he comes over
�My hero� I think about saying,
But he leans against a locker
Two doors down from mine,
And starts grinning at me,
And I can�t think of how to
Call him a knight
Without sounding
Way
Way
Way
Stupid,
So I smile and hold out
One of the remaining candies
�Gummy worm?�
I ask.
He takes it,
And Blair runs over to me
To get one too.
Then Leo opens his mouth.
I can feel myself smiling expectantly,
When suddenly,
James comes up from behind and
Wraps his arms around me
�Who ARE you?� I ask,
Even though I actually know.
I twist to see him and
He ducks his face into my hair.
Leo closes his mouth, looking�.
What?
C
O
N
F
U
S
E
Disappointed?
S
N
U
B
B
E
D?
�Oh,� I say, frowning at James. �It�s you.�
Leo walks away before I can
Shake James off,
Damage already done.
----------------------------------------------------------------
I�m angsty.
Pissed.
At you, at me, at them.
At everyone.
Soooooo
Pissed.
Crabby.
Overly emotional.
I started putting my stuff away.
Then I quit and sat on the floor and bawled for a good fifteen minuets.
I was red and puffy and my eyes and nose leaked all over. It was gross.
But I couldn�t help it.
When I mentioned this first hour, Leah called me a drama queen, and Rachel told me off for� I don�t understand why. Just that I�ll have other chances.
When?
When I die? Is she planning on sending my body across the boarder?
Cause I can�t afford it. not without the discounted rates for a group.
I can�t make it. not with travel restrictions.
I won�t have a better chance. Not if it gets worse. Which, looking at the patterns, it will.
And why shouldn�t I be upset?
This thing, this really great, life-changing experience, that I have been dreaming of, and planning for, and sacrificing for, this really, really amazing dream?
It just got crushed and taken away. Out of my control.
And maybe it just happens to be that every other person on the trip is a diva, too.
Or maybe it does feel like losing a dream. Like being paralyzed. Like everything.
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Quote of the day: �I�m so glad tomorrow�s Sunday. It will mark the end of the shittiest week I�ve had all year.�