I got up and got out of the house in a ten minute time period� that includes a shower, getting dressed, brushing teeth, and grabbing something to eat. I feel like super-woman.
Then it was public-speaking time. All I had for breakfast was sugary doughnuts and Mountain Dew.
I started shaking first round. My knees. I stumbled my first round, on my third stanza. My second round, my voice caught on my intro. I apologized! God, I felt so dumb. And then there was this bitch in the first row, who started smirking and giggling. Not just at me. At the other girls who read, too. But I was soo pissed off. I mean� for God�s sake� I�m getting up in front of a group of total strangers, reading freaking poetry, and this girl, who�s not even reading, is being totally disrespectful. I wanted to slap her. I mean� she hasn�t got the guts to do this, or� if she does, she�s already failed out of it� AKA, she sucks ass. So she shouldn�t even start.
Anyway, though, I stormed back to the team area, fuming. I asked Rachel if she thinks my piece is funny. Steam is coming out of my ears by now. Then AM comes over and asks to read my piece, cause he�s heard how upset I am. I give it to him somewhat resultantly� my third poem that I�m reading is one I�ve written� for him.
But he�s polite. If he notices, he doesn�t say anything. There�s stuff that stood out to Rachel right away. I don�t know if he picked up on it. it�s not like he knows my writing style, really. And he doesn�t know I write music, I�m pretty sure. (I mention that in the poem.) I didn�t really start that till A.C.
Then he and El Pompis and Raquela and I hung out and talked, for a while. Raquela wasn�t there the whole time, but that was okay. We talked a lot. It was fun, funny, serious, funny, clever. I forget how much I can talk when I�m with him.
He tagged along to watch my round three. By then my entire body was visibly trembling. But the weird thing? Is I DON�T SHAKE. Ever. It doesn�t happen. My knees, sometimes. My hands if I have to perform piano. My chin, if I�m cold.
After a girl�s poem is done, I turn to AM, who�s sitting right behind me. �I�m shaking.� I say, worried.
His hands are on his mouth, but his eyes grin. �I know.� he says. �I can see.�
My eyebrows clinch up. �I don�t shake.�
He laughs a little.
I�m scared when I walk up. Luckily AM�s already read it, so I don�t have to worry about a weird reaction from him. And all the people in the room are nice. They�re all reading kids, too.
It was okay. That was the room I got the lowest score in, except it was the best I�d done it that day. Se la vie.
--------------------------------------------------------------
At the dance last night, I danced with Hiro. A lot. He was the most important guy I danced with. I danced with Sheepdog Orangutan and El Pompis. It was kinda nice. We talked a lot. And we danced close. It was nice. Really, really nice.
Turns out Tyler, Zzach, sheepdog orangutan, and Hof were all drunk. Maybe Oscar, thou I�m not sure. That tickled El Pompis and I today, but only on the surface. Mostly it pissed us off. Shelbell I think is really upset about it. she doesn�t really know what to think about it. I mean� she was there on a date with Zzach. And so I really understand how she�s confused. She doesn�t know who to blame- him, the other guys, Rachel, for telling her.
It�s difficult. I won�t say anything more.
----------------------------------------------------------------
We talked to AM about Rent. He�s interested. He likes the character, likes the musical. Knock on wood.
I�m praying.